"Content"

" I sat and cried for i had no shoes, but then I saw a man laughing when in fact...he has no feet..."

These were some of the words I found as I read one of the text messages my friend sent me. And it hit me real hard! For at that time I was thinking quietly to myself and kept asking why God refuses to grant my desire... I had faith, I faithfully asked, and I even took steps on my own to get what I wanted, but until this very moment, my prayer is still unanswered. But due to the text message, I realized something. [For I have been asking God for a certain person's friendship(lets just keep his/her name as "CPF" hehe, mxdo mahaba eh...heheü) but that person still keeps going further and further away from me. Its so frustrating! "Why?!" I'd always ask... That person shows the affection I want to others, it just so annoying! Why can't "CPF" direct that kind of attention towards me as as it's directed to them??] I realized that all this time people have actually been giving that same affection I wanted from "CPF"!! And yet I kept ignoring them, and continued to seek after "CPF's" friendship!!!!!! It made me felt so darn STUPID!!!! What I've been longing for all this time has actually long been lurking around my own backyard!! It was only me who was foolish enough to ignore it....
But though those facts I clearly know (trust me I DO) my heart still feels uneasy... The longing is still there, it still isn't satisfied. Maybe because that affection is really different when it comes from "CPF", or may be its just because am so abnormally selfish that I wanted more people to show me that affection even though I have a lot already who shows that to me... Now am so confused...don't know what to do.... I now only have one resource left....GOD...
Thus for the next few days...months...years..or I don't know how long.... I would just continue to pray and keep asking God to help me be content and help me learn to accept a "NO" for an answer... But most especially I pray that He would give me that same UNQUENCHABLE thirst for Him...and that He may fill it up!ü


P.S.
I still pray for "CPF's" friendship though...heheü

written some time in May.. Sadly.. I forgot when..