Consistency: The Kingdom vs the King

Every now and then I'd add the calendar widget to my blog, just to see how "consistent" I've been in posting.

Usually, I do that when I really want to write, but somehow can't -- so I check how many I've written for the week and if I could get away with not writing, or if I can let it go and hope something comes to me a few days later.

Now that I think about it? I couldn't be any further from His heart.

I decided to write this blog, as I've repeated countless times, to try and foster a sense of community for Saints everywhere whom God decides to reach through this blog. With that, I've always held on to the idea that I will KEEP POSTING AS LONG AS HE KEEPS GIVING SOMETHING TO POST ABOUT.

For about a month that went on AWESOMELY. If you check it out, you can find a day or two when I posted about 2 to 4 blog entries! I was on fire last month. I just started typing away the moment I feel the Spirit stir up something in me to write about -- and since it's the Spirit working? My fingers just kept dancing around on the keys and words kept flowing.

Recently, I'm down to about a post a week. It's depressing and discouraging to say the least. What's more? These weekly posts -- by some silly standard I don't really understand but can certainly feel -- just don't seem to be at par with my older ones.

I feel like such a failure. As a writer. As a blogger. And definitely as a Saint.

That last failure category sure struck a cord -- Failure as a Saint.

And like any prodigal would do? I tried fixing the problem myself. I didn't bother seeking God, I was already bothering Him way too much with my school work -- this is something He has entrusted to me, and I want to do what I can to show I can be responsible in what He's given me.

WRONG

As Saints I failed with the only responsibility we've been entrusted with -- TO LOVE THE LORD MY GOD.

I was minding the kingdom too much, I forgot ITS KING.

There was no way I'd be able to get back to "my rhythm" in writing JUST BY MY OWN EFFORTS. After all, it's HIS blog -- He won't let me go on writing WITHOUT HIM.

I realized, I'm not just experiencing a common case of "writer's block" -- my HEART was blocked.

Lately, I've been under too much work -- a term nearing its end is like having stabbed a snake and have it coil up around you tighter before it lets go of its life. I've placed too much focus on what I have to do, and forgot what I OUGHT TO DO.

I am a Saint, I'm called to be in constant communion with Him -- nothing more, definitely, nothing LESS.

Why can't I write? Because I don't have anything to write about.

Why don't I have anything to write about? Because I have no source of ideas.

Why don't I have any sources? BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN AS CLOSE AS I SHOULD BE WITH MY GOD -- MY SOURCE OF ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.

Jesus said:

Remain in Me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15: 4-5)

Apart from Him (Jesus) we can do nothing. I'd personally go further and say, apart from Him, we are NOTHING.

God in His grace has reminded me of this, sure, I have to go through times of drought too -- but no season in life would ever trump His promise:

MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU. (2 Cor. 12:9a)

TheProdigalSaint's been called to come back; and all this time he thought he's been back -- apparently, he's not "home" enough.

God's love is too stubborn to just let us be average -- it won't stop till we're fully basking in it.

Your Grace is ENOUGH

Too many days have passed since I last got to write a post -- and I feel awful. Spring is almost here (snowed AGAIN this morning -- YEY) and for university students? That means TERM PAPERS AND FINAL EXAMS are all underway.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 reads:

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Easier said than done, believe me, I know! BUT. It's not that hard when you see how God actually brings you through it.

I am in university, and have been here for about a year now (well, I had two years back in the Philippines and now it's my first year university in Canada) and I can honestly say?

I HAVE NOTHING TO BRAG ABOUT -- "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." (2 Cor. 11:30)

If I were to show you my grades right now, I won't be kidding -- they're STELLAR. But, I can honestly say IT'S ALL A PRODUCT OF GRACE.

Okay, so you might think this as false humility? But let me tell of how the story has been recently.

I'm taking a Political Science course this term, and since I've only been in Canada for about 8 months, I KNOW NOTHING OF CANADIAN POLITICAL STUFF -- yes, even the current events related stuff. I have no idea why I'm in this class, but it's already past the deadline for dropping courses, so I have to live with it.

We have to write a term paper for that class, and as expected, all the topics are specifics on anything Canadian. None of the essay questions made sense to me, except for the one that seemed broad enough -- one on Economic Inequality. So I went with that.

I thought I was all set. But boy, was I ever wrong. Days passed and I still couldn't get my head around the topic. It was too alien to make any sense to me. AND YES. I am such a lazy kid. Research should have solved my problems right? But I had this idea that there's too much to know about and too little time? So I was more tired thinking about it than actually doing it.

Yes, you've guess it -- I MISSED MY DEADLINE.

Well, technically, I did not miss it. I went to my professor on the day of submission and told him I could not submit my paper in-class that day -- after staring at a blank Miscrosoft Word screen till 3am, I decided to give up.

I kept praying, but I wasn't hoping for much; I know it's my fault, these are the consequences of my actions.

The next turn of events blew my mind -- my professor was all kind and accommodating, and he did NOT force me to submit. He gave me until Saturday 5pm to submit my paper (the deadline was Wednesday 10am, in-class). Moreover? There's supposed to be a 5% penalty for EVERY day late, BUT he spared me from that, he gave me a FLAT 5% deduction for being 3 days late! To add? He even helped me with where my paper was going!!!

Forget mountains, my God moves deadlines!

For all my university life, if not my WHOLE life -- academia or otherwise, God has been so gracious to me. I've always told my friends: I'm God's needy baby.

I'm a cry-baby who's so dependent on His father -- way too dependent at times. My stellar grades? Are really all just products of His grace. I do not work as hard as I should be, and I feel the consequences of that; but He's never let me down -- especially when I DO NOT EVEN DESERVE TO BE HELD UP.

GRACE

It really is UNDESERVED FAVOR.

Nothing spells SALVATION more than GRACE and LOVE.

God loves us SO much, He gave us love SO UNDESERVED, we can only vaguely call it "grace."

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Cor. 12:9)

If I were to detail here how many times HIS GRACE came through for me in my 19years of existence? Wordpress would overload and I'd have to skip school for the next 38years -- spending two years writing for every year I lived.

God has really been gracious enough for me to even know of this and recognize His handy work.

The idea that God has a plan? And we just have to trust in His faithfulness? Are all too cliche to use to console people -- CLICHE BUT DEFINITELY TRUE.

You were as I, tempted and tried... human.

This line just kept playing in my head for the WHOLE week (in fact, I think it's been like this for two weeks)!

I don't remember the whole song, just this line. I just keep singing it in my head:

"You were as I tempted and tried. Human."

Tonight, He finally told me why.

***

theprodigalsaint: "You were as I, tempted and tried -- human."

God: Oh, so you're still singing that?

theprodigalsaint: I can't get it out of my head!

God: Do you know why?

theprodigalsaint: Well, it's definitely a reminder that there's no excuse for my sins -- even You, in the form of Jesus, were tempted but remained sinless.

God: Well, I was still God during My time on earth.

theprodigalsaint: True, but You were also completely man.

God: True. Hey, what song are you gonna present for Easter again?

theprodigalsaint: Huh? Oh, "No Greater Love"

God: You have a solo part right? I made sure you were given that part, what part was it.

theprodigalsaint: It's -- :')

[No Greater Love is a Cantata by John Piper about the life of Jesus. I was given the part of Jesus being tempted in the desert. It was a duet using the tempter's words and Jesus's responses -- I was singing Jesus's responses. ♥]

***

Jesus was fully human and fully God; He too was tempted and tried -- EVEN BY SATAN HIMSELF!

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. (Matt. 4:1)

***

theprodigalsaint: Now I get it! But isn't that what I said? You kept putting this line, not even the whole song, in my head to remind me that I am supposed to follow in Your footsteps -- not fall into sin.

God: Mm-hmm. But that's not all. What else did you sing about?

theprodigalsaint: Well, I was singing the things You -- :')

***

Jesus, when He was being tempted by Satan, defended Himself -- with God's word.

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matt. 4:4)

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matt. 4:7)

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” (Matt. 4: 10)

He held on to God's word. He knew what He was to do -- obey God ONLY and FULLY.

***

theprodigalsaint: Well, Lord, it's not that easy. Sure, I want to hold on to Your words too. I also have enough knowledge of Your words to be able to defend against the sins Satan commonly tempts me with. But...

God: But it's not that easy because 'I just can't understand how there are things that you humans crave for so much that it's become a physical pain?" or that 'I don't understand that there are things that you humans are prone too? Your emotions, your flesh's desires, your socially constructed constraints, etc?'

theprodigalsaint: Yes, Lord! Yes! Exactly!

God: Son, why don't you read the passage again.

***

Jesus had to deal with Satan like most of us. He, was COMPLETELY human after all.

After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” (Matt. 4:2-3)

***

God: Did you see it?

theprodigalsaint: Yes.

God: So...?

theprodigalsaint: When You were tempted, you were tempted with something categorically similar to everything I'm tempted with ... I mean, the circumstances are the same.

God: Mm-hmm, go on?

theprodigalsaint: When I am tempted, it's SO easy to fall when I'm tired and/or stressed. Emotionally unstable because of physical weariness. It's hard to focus, to think first before I act, let alone to ponder upon Your word before falling into Satan's trap.

God: And at that time?

theprodigalsaint: Jesus was hungry and tired -- He was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights! And He was tempted with food.

God: But?

theprodigalsaint: But what?

God: You were thinking of a "but," what is it?

theprodigalsaint: Well, He was FASTING after all, so that means He was spiritually recharged at that time. He was in communion with You! He was praying and all. He definitely was spiritually ready, and probably even mentally, to take Satan head on!

God: Sure, He was filled by the Spirit at that time. And yes, He was in communion with Me at that time. So what does that tell you?

theprodigalsaint: ... that if I were to spend my days seeking and communing with You CONSTANTLY, I will be able to draw on Your strength too, like how Jesus was spiritually ready to battle Satan, even when He was physically drained.

God: And?

theprodigalsaint: And that no amount of physical craving or limitation would be able to weaken a Saint empowered by the Spirit -- Your Spirit.

God: So now are you convinced that I really understand how you feel? How temptations appeal to your certain 'perceived' needs? Jesus was extremely hungry at that time, but He didn't give in. He was SO tired, stones to bread would've been an easy way out of things.

theprodigalsaint: He knew that there are greater things than just this fleshly body we're bound in. He knew He had a higher purpose to fulfill: to bring You glory and to overcome sin and death. Turning stones to bread would not accomplish anything, in terms of His mission. That action won't glorify You. Besides, if He were to do that, He's be obeying and pleasing Satan -- He knew what You want. He had the power in Him, but He knew you won't allow Him too, why? Because there's no purpose to it.

God: Sounds familiar?

theprodigalsaint: There are a LOT of things I know You can give me, I know I can do, and I know I can get -- But I have to always trust in Your plan and focus on being goal oriented.

God: Goal oriented?

theprodigalsaint: Focused on one goal, and one goal alone, doing only things that please You.

God: I think I've already told you that sometime ago, right?

theprodigalsaint: Yup. It went something like: There really is no such thing as right and wrong -- only what pleases and displeases God -- You.

God: There's something else...

theprodigalsaint: hmm?

God: Son, I want you to be like Me. More and more like Me -- like Jesus. He held on to My word, never let go. I kept playing that line in your head to remind you that YOU ARE CAPABLE of doing what I did when I was on earth -- be FOCUSED! Son, I don't want you to just remember My words in times of temptation -- I want you to be able to focus on My word in EVERYTHING. You need Me, you know that. And I want to help you too, and this is My way of telling you how. Stick close to Me, walk with Me -- ALWAYS. Always means ALWAYS, right?

theprodigalsaint: I haven't been giving much thought to what You want for everything, have I?

God: Mm-hmm,

theprodigalsaint: And that lead to a very slow but constant drift away from You. Slowly, yet definitely surely, I was making decisions on my own, focusing on things I want. Not that I was focusing on huge decisions, but just things like how to spend my afternoon, where to eat for lunch, what to eat for dinner, how to talk with my friends, how to deal with classmates, how to act on the bus, how to... etcetcetc. The more I got used to mundane things and mundane decisions made everyday -- the more callous I became to You. When the time came that I needed to cling to You and let go of what I want and focus on what You want, I was already too used to listening to myself.

God: So what do you plan to do now?

theprodigalsaint: Pray, ask, and focus -- I mean, just ask.

God: Ask?

theprodigalsaint: Ask for Your help and Your empowerment -- that I may be focused. I cannot do all these on my own, I am too weak. BUT! There is power in You. :)

God: *chuckles* I love you, son.

theprodigalsaint: and I couldn't be happier >:D< Love you too!

***

P.S. Here's the song, thanks to Google, I finally found out what song it was!

Lead Me to the Cross -- Hillsongs

You make all things work together for MY good.

I was casually browsing some comic videos on YouTube, and this appeared on the Suggested Videos panel



In the middle of the video, until the end, they kept repeating:

"You make, ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD."

It's a coverage of a concert, so there were a LOT of repeats -- which, I could just hear God telling me: "You hear that son?"

Just as I was listening to it, I was reading my friend's blog: Believing the Unbelievable, with a post titled God's Plans vs. Mine. I won't be copying her whole post here, and I won't be giving much comments either. I believe her words are more than enough encouragement on how much God loves us to have anything LESS THAN PERFECT planned for us.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart; but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."-(Proverbs 19:21)

My plans are no match compared to God's plans for me. I'm actually excited for what God has in store for me for this season of my life. He's really a God full of surprises! He just surprised me yesterday that because of what happened,I might have to start my own clothing line already!AMAZING AND INDESCRIBABLE GOD.His right time is always perfect!Praying for it to happen if it is His will!In Jesus Name!:D All I can say is that we should not go before God, because we are nothing without Him in front of us.Don't let God follow us, we should be the ones following Him.OUR PLANS ARE NOTHING WITHOUT GOD IN OUR HEARTS.

I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. [8] The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever---do not abandon the works of your hands.-(Psalm 138:2,8)
These words helped me a lot last night!:">

-- Louie Yao

So many things are still swirling around my head right now, some are even trying to cloud over my heart -- BUT I refuse to stand down and let them overcome me. I don't need to worry about tomorrow, my future, what it holds, and how I'm gonna get there -- ALL I SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT IS HOW I CAN OBEY HIS EVERY COMMAND. He promised to bring us through, and He promised to be working in us until the day He comes back.

"God just reminded me that HE WILL NEVER EVER ABANDON ME!:) -- Louie Yao"

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:27;34)

Obedience is a constant choice we have to deal with EVERYDAY; we have enough trouble struggling to obey God FULLY today to even start worrying about Tomorrow. God holds my tomorrow; He has new commands for me to follow tomorrow -- I just have to take the commands a day at a time, and obey them fully through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I'll trust Your Heart

Was reading something off Tumblr, and these words jumped at me:

Life is not easy at times and we find ourselves having a difficult time with just running through the motions but that’s okay.

This morning, well afternoon actually, I woke up with a heavy heart. I don't really understand why, but I knew I was feeling something wrong -- either emotionally or spiritually -- something was just WRONG.

I tried praying, I tried seeking Him, but that downtrodden feeling of being overwhelmed by an inexplicable sadness and discontent still lingered. I did a very short and quite rushed devotion. He gave me John 16:33, the verse was familiar, so I just browsed through it and went on with my day.

Went to choir practice after, Mandarin Choir practice, still feeling heavy and unattached. We were practicing a cantata for Easter -- No Greater Love, in Mandarin of course. Then we practiced some songs to be sung for the next few Sundays, and since Lent is already underway, the songs were mostly about the Cross. I sang mindlessly. My Chinese has become rusty, so I was having a hard time following the lyrics; I focused on the notes, but the way people around me sang just keeps throwing me off. I was distracted to say the least. I saw EVERYTHING that could make me go crazy and act up -- all the while missing His love signals.

Got home, had dinner, and defaulted to surfing -- that's when I read a friend's Tumblr post.

I realized, I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed -- I was tired. Tired of the mundane, or at least of the "regular." It was a constant up and down, a never ending cycle of being in peace and bliss and crashing into sin, disappointment and despair. I don't think I'm moving forward -- I think I'm just going through the motions.

So when I was reading my friend's post, I just had to show her this video:

It was my go-to song when trying to encourage people who just can't seem to find purpose in their Christian walk. So obviously, I had to listen to it again. That's when He made me realize that I am just really tired.

The world is not where we're supposed to be -- we're SAINTS -- citizens of Heaven, consequently, aliens on earth. It's tiring to live somewhere you're not at home in, it's tiring to be waiting on when you can return home, and it's definitely tiring to be battling all the time and not always winning.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

I took a second look at the verse He gave me this morning, and I noticed the words I skipped over -- Peace, Overcome the world.

I realized, all this hoopla of being discouraged and all was just my humanity acting up on the fact that I am still IN WAITING. Nothing much has changed since I posted about Waiting; I still am dealing with waiting. It was crazy of me to just write about it and forget about the things I wrote -- things He told me to help me deal with waiting.

I am tired. Yes. I am starting to be discouraged. Definitely. I have no idea where I'm going, and what progress (if any) I'm making. Sure.

BUT!

All these should NEVER be enough reason for me to stop SEEKING and drawing CLOSER to Him.

Just moments ago, I received a reply from a church mate. I emailed him last night to share with him my post on waiting, after hearing his sharing on how he's dealing with God and waiting on Him. His reply reads:

Thanks Ivan! Encouraging post, it helps to know someone else is going through the same thing.

Yea just have to be patient. See you at church!

Yes, PATIENCE. Funny how the most fundamental and basic lesson in waiting is the lesson I forgot! Maybe I deliberately did that, I've always been afraid of the word -- PATIENCE.

God is love, and His love is unfailing. Through His love, we are saved -- and by His love, we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS. Sure, the world gets me down, I get tired, I feel crazy, BUT, I have to exercise PATIENCE. It's all part of His plan -- a plan focused on LOVE FOR ME.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

"So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, TRUST HIS HEART."

Faith - Above and Beyond Reason

For the past few weeks, my devotions have been taking me on a journey through the Old Testament. (I just finished GENESIS! YEY.) Thing is, I realized, there were SO many things I never knew about Jacob, Judah, Joseph, Abraham, Isaac, etc.

See, when Sunday school teachers teach you (you in your Elementary days) about the lives of these people, they DO not include the ff.:

1. Lot and his daughters (Gen. 19: 30-36)

Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today. The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites of today.

2. God actually saying that Jacob would be greater than Esau before Jacob deceived him and his father. (Gen. 25:23)

The LORD said to her,

“Two nations are in your womb,
and two peoples from within you will be separated;
one people will be stronger than the other,
and the older will serve the younger.”

3. Commotion between Rachel and Leah, Jacob's wives. (Gen. 29:31-30:24)

*how they were bickering about who was loved more, how they plotted to be the "most loved," pleaded with God for children after children, etc.

4. Judah's first born son dying because of his wickedness. (Gen. 38:7)

 But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death.

5. Onan's, Judah's second son, wickedness and his punishment. (Gen. 38:9-10)

But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.

6. Judah and her daughter-in-law. (Gen. 38:13-27)

*him sleeping with her, her pretending to be a prostitute, him not following their customs, etc.

These are just some of the things I had to read through TWICE to check if I was reading the right thing. (There were even somethings with Jacob and his dealings with his uncle Laban, Abraham and his wives, Noah and his life after the flood, Laban and his tricks -- and basically anything and everything that has to do with human deception and imperfections.) If I were to put down all of them, you won't even care to read through them -- it's going to be way too long.

Of course, the first thing I did when I encountered these was to PRAY. I was lost. I didn't understand why these would even be recorded, why these were even significant, let alone allowed (in the loose sense of the word.) So I kept asking, and this was what I got:

Son, I am the Alpha and the Omega -- I am not bound by anything, especially not by the actions and humanity of My creation. My will has been set way before any of these people even knew who I am. My understanding of things, you will never grasp. Son, all these I've placed in My Bible to show you how MY WILL WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL. 

I have great plans for My creations, for people, for you. But of course, you don't always obey Me. You have your own wills, and I respect that. However, do not for a second even think that your decisions, and your plans, will ever be able to mess up My grand design. Son, everything is still in My control -- everything would work out for My glory.

I don't expect you to be able to comprehend adding all these together -- My will, My perfect plan and Sovereignty, your actions, your desires, your sins, the consequences of your sins, the over-all effect of My design, and your individual lives -- and have them work together in harmony, a harmony that only I can orchestrate.

I did not call you to try and understand Me. I called you to be My saint, to have FAITH in Me.

The world has tons and tons of definition of what FAITH is, for me, it's but one thing: trusting in what I do not understand. As Hebrews 11:1 puts it,

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Sure, I don't understand, but one thing I know: He IS IN CONTROL. His sovereignty CANNOT be affected by our humanity.

Grammar Nazi : Righteousness in Action

I, personally, am such a Grammar Nazi -- sadly, am the kind that also gets corrected a lot. Being corrected by one is not an unusual thing, I believe most, if not ALL of you have been corrected by one -- or is actually one correcting others! It got me thinking: Why is it not considered rude to correct someone of their English, but it's unethical to tell people that they're doing something not pleasing to God?

Okay, so I'm not saying we go out into the streets and call everyone SINFUL. I'm just bringing up the idea that somehow, we Saints have been ingrained with ethnological ethics so much that we've forgotten what Righteous Anger is. God hates the sin but not the SINNER.

We serve a RIGHTEOUS and JUST God, one who CANNOT TOLERATE SIN -- then how come, we, His children, are able to cope with sin SO WELL? It bugs me to realize that I'm actually more annoyed at people who don't know how to use DID + VERBS properly as compared to people swearing out loud. I just have this urge to shout at people who say things like: "What did you saw again?" But when people use vulgar words, I let them slide thinking that it's just a matter of self expression.

As Saints, we often associate being obedient with NOT COMMITTING SINS OURSELVES; We often forget, that we are called to be LIKE CHRIST: INTOLERANT OF SIN.

In the Old Testament, God punished Eli, the High Priest of Shiloh, not because he was wicked, but because his SONS were and HE DID NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT:

At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God, and he failed to restrain them. (1 Samuel 3: 12-13)

God does not only want us to be pursuing holiness, He wants us to encourage others too! In Ezekiel 3, the Bible even goes so far as to say:

When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. (Ezekiel 3:18)

We are called to be SAINTS, to be ambassadors of His love, and to SHINE for His glory. When a light is lit in a dark room, it dispels the darkness around it -- as Children of God, are we shining? Or are we being too tolerant of the world that we abuse the idea of "Christ loving the sinner?"

Yes, we are called to love, BUT the bible has a clear prescription of WHAT LOVING ENTAILS:

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. (Romans 12:9)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ( 1 Corinthians 13:6)

The truth hurts, and true friends who love you, are not afraid to hurt you by telling the truth. We are called to LOVE, and loving someone means wanting what's best for them. I don't think allowing them to continue sinning and suffering the wrath of God is something one can do out of love.

When we tolerate sin, it's not God that we're pleasing.

Apologies vs. Repentance

SAINTS! LISTEN UP!

I've been talking with a dear Christian sister about our struggles with being human, with always falling short of His glory, and with always sinning and giving in to temptation. We talked about God's grace being sufficient, and His love never ending; BUT that doesn't mean we can just go on sinning. We came to a conclusion that goes:

"It's only by His grace that we are saved, and in that we should put our faith and trust on. That doesn't mean we should go about our shortcomings like a cycle of God-forgives so we-forget. What the stories in the Bible are telling us is that God is a God of second chances, and that He wants us to repent--sincerely repent. And to ask Him for grace not to be waived off our sins again, but to teach us to change, the way He wants us to."

Then it hit me: Have I been repenting, or only apologizing?

In the Oxford English Dictionary (Online) to repent is defined as:

"To review one's actions and feel contrition or regret for something one has done or omitted to do; (esp. in religious contexts) to acknowledge the sinfulness of one's past action or conduct by showing sincere remorse and undertaking to reform in the future."

("repent, v.". OED Online. December 2011. Oxford University Press. 22 February 2012 <http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/162742?rskey=EXLQZ8&result=4&isAdvanced=false>.)

For the most part, I've only been apologizing: saying SORRY. That's not what God wants!

Sure, He is pleased that we acknowledge our shortcomings and our faults and that we express remorse for them; but that's not enough. He asks for REPENTANCE not APOLOGIES. Apologies are great, they are the first step to repentance: recognizing that we are wrong and that we need help; but repentance goes further than that. Repentance entails a complete turn around -- we stop walking in the direction we're going, and turn back to go to where He wants us to go! Apology is just stopping in our tracks and staying there, that's not what He wants.

From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” (Matthew 4:17)

Jesus did not say "Apologize for your sins! For the kingdom of heaven has come near." NO, He said: REPENT.

Also, listen to Paul in Acts 20:21, he says:

I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.

He did not tell the Jews and the Greeks to "turn to God and apologize," he said REPENT.

When we sin and then repent, we are just doing what we're supposed to: we fall, so we have to get up. However, abuse of His grace comes when we sin and we just keep apologizing and think we're OKAY by virtue of His grace.

Apology is not repentance, if it were, Jesus would've used apologize in His preaching.

I, and everyone else, am not abusing God's grace when I genuinely repent. I feel bad about taking His grace for granted because I only have "apology" in mind. If you've always been feeling guilty about constantly sinning and then saying sorry, then fellow saint, that must be God bugging you saying: Child, I don't need your apologies, I want your repentance. Repentance means DOING something; it's turning AWAY from our sins -- not just saying sorry for them.

Now I will echo John the Baptist's call: REPENT!

Faithful? You don't know the half of it!

Recently, I've really been passionate about writing here. It's just that He's been revealing a LOT to me, and so I keep writing.

A lot of times, I'd be struggling with something, and the moment He shows me the way out, I write about it!

But, as I've been repeating countless times: even as saints, we still are human. This prodigal saint has his share of humanity too -- school work. I don't like it, but I have to do it. Deadlines and exams are piling up, and I just don't want to do them.

My weekend starts every Thursday -- yup, I'm one of those college dudes that have long weekends EVERY week. So when the weekend kicks in, I go into vacation-mode. From Thursdays to Sundays, I'll be at church everyday for choir practice, fellowships, etc. I feel like it's summer when Thursdays come by. So when Monday comes along, all my work piles up on me.

For the past few days, I've been very tired. There are things God is changing within me, there are things I do for His church, there's stress with rehearsals for an Easter Cantata, and then there're school work -- I have to deal with all of these. It's not a fun feeling to be burdened down by all these.

I find myself struggling to just focus on Him and that all I do is for Him. Sadly, staying focus isn't my only problem: when you're down and tired, it's when Satan tries his best to fill you with lies.

"Pst. PSSSST! Hey, you! What are you doing? Praying again? You actually think He's going to help you? PLEASE! Wake up! He's a narcissistic God, He'll only care about Himself! Can't you see? He's getting you involved in all these services you do for Him. You're keeping a blog for His glory, you're in the choir three times a week -- you're spending way too much time in church when you're supposed to be studying. When has He even helped you with your studies, huh? Does He care? NO! Wake up! You're not His son, you're His slave! He won't be helping you, look, you have tons of papers due -- good luck with that!"

The devil taunts me to let go of God's unfailing love. He's filling my head with doubt. I struggled. It's hard to think straight when you're emotionally unstable. But by God's grace, I was still able to pray. I sent the devil away, and surrendered in prayer. Nothing has changed, I still have deadlines and exams, I'm still tired; but who cares, I'll just lift it up to Him.

So today, I just finished writing my history midterm. Also, today I handed in my history paper which was a day late. I did the paper on the night of the submission day, finished it at around 4AM the next day. So when I handed in my midterm exam, my professor smiled at me and said: "Your paper was great!" I didn't pay her much attention, I was tired from writing an exam for two hours -- it was at the end of my day, and I had a whole day of classes and I only got to review in between classes, I was just glad to get it over with. She handed me my paper, which she just graded, and first thing I saw was (- 2%) on my title page. I knew that, so I went out of the room and stopped by the stairs to read through her comments.

I was feeling exited, I don't know why. But when I got to the last page this met my eyes: "91" I GOT AN A+! (The original grade was a 93, and it came with "I don't usually give A+!")

I could actually hear God saying to me: "What did I tell you? Just trust in Me!"

He actually saw me through! And NO! He did not just care about His ministry, HE LOVES ME! He's taking care of me, He knows my every need, and He's my FAITHFUL HEAVENLY FATHER who'd ALWAYS SEE ME THROUGH!

I walked to the bus stop giggling and smiling all the way -- I think people might have though I was crazy or something. I don't care! I was walking on sunshine, He just dispelled all my doubts and my cares.

What's even sweeter? He did not need to do that! He was God! I am a servant, He does not need to prove anything to me! But in His love? He did so. He really is the God of love -- LOVE Himself. He is just the SWEETEST! ♥

"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

OH YES HE IS! AND YES HE WILL!

Salt and Light: FOCUS!

There are a lot of things we end up craving for, yearning for, and even lusting for. But every time we find ourselves reaching for something, STOP and ask: Does God want this for me?

It's not really easy to pause every time, and I mean EVERY time, we start wanting something. But we HAVE too.

There are SO many things in this world that are just too LUSCIOUS for us; even as Saints, we are not immune to the idea of "craving." We will ALWAYS want things, it's part of what we are as human beings.

What do we do then?

FOCUS!

Staying focused is as simple (simple, not necessarily EASY) as always stopping and asking yourself. In this case, as a Saint, it's about stopping and asking GOD:

"Lord, is this what You want for me? Would this bring glory to You? Am I being a good Saint by pursuing this?"

Our ultimate goal as Saints is to bring GLORY to God.

FOCUS!

We have to focus on our calling, we are called to be SET APART. To not be like everyone else. Sometimes it's really easy to say: "Oh, this is okay. Everyone's doing it." But we are NOT like everyone else, we are SAINTS!

Our goal as SAINTS is to be SALT AND LIGHT on earth. It was straight from Jesus' mouth, as recorded in Matthew:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." (Matthew 5:13-15)

Salt is EXPECTED to be salty. And light is EXPECTED to dispel darkness. And Jesus goes on to say:

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

We are like walking signboards displaying His glory. Everything we do SHOULD reflect Him.

So back to whatever it is that's luring us. Does having a craving for it glorify Him? Does it help us maintain our "SALTINESS" on this earth?

FOCUS!

There are a lot of things, thanks to the media and our twisted sinful nature, we end up thinking to be "okay" things -- not inherently good, not inherently bad. But I'm here to tell you, there really is no such thing as GOOD nor BAD. There's only one way of classifying things: PLEASING or NOT PLEASING to GOD.

Take the temptation of Jesus in the desert for example. (Matt. 4: 1-11; Luke 4:1-13)

The suggestion to turn stones into bread seems to be an attempt to persuade Jesus to satisfy His immediate physical need outside of God's will. ... Though I believe Luke 4 is primarily an attack on the person and Messianic work of Christ, there are surely lessons for us: Satan desires that we take the initiative to meet perceived needs outside the way and will of God. We are tempted to seek possessions, pleasure, position and power. On His part, Jesus submitted to His Father's will regardless of personal consequences, comfort and convenience. -- Derek Newton (Principalities and Powers)

Jesus too, as human, had desires -- some were as simple as being hungry after not eating for 40 days and 40 nights.

In the Bible, we can see two distinct ways of dealing with desires, cravings, wants, etc.

1) Jesus, as Derek Newton pointed out, His temptation is the desert is a clear picture of the things we humans want: "possessions, pleasure, position and power."

and

2) Esau, as I've posted in "The Saint Communes: Blessings," was also confronted with his earthly desires. He was hungry after a whole day of hunting, and so did not care about his birth right and sold it for a bowl of soup.

Thing is, Esau GAVE IN. He allowed his humanity to take over him. As for Jesus, He stayed focused on His status as Chist, and held on to the COMMANDS of God.

FOCUS!

We, like Jesus, have a status we must hold on to: we are SAINTS. We carry around Christ is our daily lives. That's the whole idea of being SALT and LIGHT. Salt, when added to food, makes things salty. Light, when placed in a dark room, lights it up. WE, when placed in this world, SHOULD HAVE SOME EFFECT ON IT.

Salt is ONLY salty, it cannot be both salty and sweet. We can only either be: glorifying God and showing people HIM, or just going with the flow and fading into "everybody else."

So in everything we do, in everything we want, and in everything we do for the things we want always keep in mind: we are SAINTS, salt and light of the earth. It's not easy, but hey, we are SONS and DAUGHTERS of the Most High God! His Spirit is our power, all we have to do is ASK. When it becomes too tough? PRAY.

As the song goes: "We fight our battles on our knees." (We Are United)

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

Though I've been told why I wait? My feelings are still the same, I still am tired, still in a bit of pain -- BUT ultimately feeling hopeful. The Lord makes us wait, and its for our own good.

So what do we do while we wait? We've seen Noah and Joseph -- they remained faithful while waiting. But what does being faithful mean? Simple: To keep obeying whatever we're told. In a sense, we're still called to serve even in our waiting.

Service is born out of love, and with His LOVE in us? It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep us from wanting to draw closer to Him -- even in times of waiting.

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

Yes - John Waller

Verse 1:
Ask, it shall be given to you
Seek, and you will find
Knock and the door will open
and that's a promise

Verse 2:
He said He'll finish the work He started in you
Your needs He will supply
He'll never leave you
nor forsake you
and that's a promise

Pre:
It's a guarantee
it's a beautiful thing
He delights to keep His word

Chorus:
God says YES to His promises
Take Him at His word
Yea, you can believe it
God says YES
to a child-like faith
when we claim
everything He died to give
God says YES

Verse 3:
He said, come all you weary ones
and He will give you rest
His strength is perfect in our weakness
and that's a promise

Chorus:
God says YES to His promises
Take Him at His word
Yea, you can believe it
God says YES
to a child-like faith
when we claim
everything He died to give
God says YES (x3)

Let Go

If you're feeling all bagged down by just a whole bunch of stuff?

LET THEM GO.

No chains are to be tied on to us ever since He set us free and we accepted that. That's the key though, "acceptance." Salvation IS about acceptance.

We accept:

1) the truth that God loves us and He came to Earth to die for you and me

Salvation comes from the recognition of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. His divinity and humanity rolled into a perfect Lamb that was slain and came back to life to give us the victory we can never attain on our own. (John 3:16; Rom. 10:9)

2) that we are WORTH saving.

He did so, we must be worth loving so much. A God coming down to Earth and dying by the hands of His creation? What more proof about love do you need? We KNOW love BECAUSE He loved us. (1 John 4:19; John 1:1-5; Luke 19:10)

3) that we NEED Him.

He's so loving that He'd allow us to go our way if that's what we want. He won't force His salvation onto us, He wants us to willingly accept it. (John 3:16)

4) that we HAVE been forgiven

This is probably the hardest thing to accept; for the most part, we accept His grace., but we fail to accept His forgiveness. How? We fail to forgive ourselves. "He forgave us all our sins. (Col. 2:13b)"

5) His lordship as part of the process

We have been born into sin, no way out of it but through Him. Thing is, we don't just get whisked up to heaven the moment we accept Him as our Savior, we are commanded to still live in this world while not being of it. Hard eh? Given that we are NOT capable of doing good. So what's His answer to that? "Accept me as LORD and SAVIOR -- not just as SAVIOR." His ways are sure, and His plans are perfect. We have no idea what we're doing, we need His guidance. (Jeremiah 29:11)

This Saint is not in a good position right now, and he knows this is what he needs to do: LET GO.

To be able to fully follow Him? We must let go of the pride that we keep as part of what we THINK is righteousness, most of all? We must let go of the need to control our lives. Salvation is about acceptance, true. But acceptance will not be complete without letting go -- we never really fully "accept" something until we let go of something else.

Just let go. If it seems like you can't? Cry out to Him. He'll listen. He's our Father after all.

Oh God, :')

Psalm 91:4-5 "He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day." ******* Saw this in my mail today, and well, a picture is worth a thousand words. :)

The Saint Communes 3

Well, this was supposed to be another "fast-food take-out" until I got to read the passage again, and realized how there was SO much more to it than I first saw.

I read this passage last night, and after reading, I went straight to a long prayer (the kind where you feel like you're just on the phone talking to a friend? yup, that!) and we talked about this passage. He did enlighten me, but then again, His word really is ALIVE; so after reading it again now for this post ... It took on a whole new form.

*******

1 John 4:7 - 5:1

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20John%204:7%20-%205:1&version=NIV

Yup, if you clicked the link and read: The topic is unmistakably LOVE.

So what about love? That was my very first question the first time I read that.

The answer? What NOT about love?

I mean LOVE is the very foundation of our faith. Salvation and the cross is founded on LOVE. God is even called LOVE.

Talking about gifts? Paul talked about the "GREATER GIFT," it being? LOVE!

Love is a very overrated word, given the kind of world we live in now. But as it turns out, for our faith to be founded on such a word? There must really be something to it.

Love is much more powerful and mysterious than we give it credit for. Sure, Hollywood makes a ton of money out of it, but even THAT kind of love is nothing compared to the love John tackled in today's passage.

I actually planned on writing a little bit more on the importance and meaning of this "Love;" but I guess I want you guys to think about it for yourself...

1. Do you know what Love is? Not love, but LOVE?

2. Do you know how to Love?

3. What does loving mean? What does it entail?

4. etc...

How much do we really know about this LOVE?

*******

For me? It was actually a heads up. A heads up that times are going to require me to learn to really LOVE my neighbors and start reflecting love to others... Which, I got to actually test just a few hours ago. But details are not necessary.

Anyways, then after reading it again, God reminded me that I really don't know a LOT. I mean, REALLY LOT.

Like for example, me being all stressed about decisions and stuff = me not loving enough. YUP.

He reminded me of how loving He is, and that His LOVE encompasses all that, now, if I were to keep stressin' about tomorrow? Its either I doubt His love? Or I don't love Him and don't trust Him at all.

What else? Love is that thing which I should crave more of. (Not in the "I-need-someone-to-love-who-loves-me-back-so-badly" kind of way!) But that I need to crave that He would increase this Saint's LOVE. For others, for Him, and probably even for myself...

For it is in LOVE, that everything would mean something, and that power is more than any power this world has ever known. To have Him increase my Love, would mean empowering me to do greater things for Him, and overcoming a LOT more things.

Someone once told me, that his prayer right now was to have God increase his love. He'd trade any, even all, of his gifts for the Gift of Love. And I guess, that is something God is making me realize now... That there is more to that prayer - SO much more.

"boku wa hontoni baka deshou...."

I feel so STUPID!!!!

I actually cant control myself...

I promised God to not continue sinning this certain sin... and even asked Him for something in exchange for not doing it...somewhat like an incentive...

Yet this stupid of a guy, me, actually sinned...AGAIN...

Argh!! And I call myself a Christian... A follower of Christ... And I'm like this?!?

Yes I know am still in the process of being changed ...but... that's not an excuse!!

I DELIBERATELY.. disobeyed Him...

I really feel so STUPID!!

I really wanted this certain stuff that I asked Him for exchange.. and now... How on earth am I supposed to get it??

*note: this certain thing is something that only God can provide in an instant..its something that man can't achieve on his own....effectually?? or at least not quickly*

Not to mention the fact that I can actually see Him trying to interfere so as for me to not fall into sin again... but stupid me... I deliberately waited for the time wherein God left a loop hole for me practice SELF-DISCIPLINE and yet I WASTED IT!!!!!!

. . . . . . .

WHY?!?

Why was I born a man??

I mean, MAN was born with a sinful nature to start with...

Also, MAN is VERY PRONE to stumble and fall into sin..

A MAN...

which God gave a choice... whether to sin or not...
and gave us the power to choose....


I really hope God would be gracious enough... I mean hopefully He'll still grant me my wish...
I really hope so...

And for those of you out there who are Christians like me...

plsssss... pray for me so as for me to not stumble into sin again...

I always try and tell my friends to do what's right... yet I myself am doing the wrong thing...

I need your prayers!!

PLs?? Thanks in advance!!Ü

As for now... Am really sleepy and tired... today wasn't actually that good a day...

1) I had a disagreement with a friend.
2) Am SO confused on who my real friends are!
3)etc...

So basically... I now plan on sleeping..heheÜ

P.S
I have really been a very IMBECILE and STUBBORN sheep in God's
flock... But I know He'll still forgive me... I just hope I'll learn my lesson
before I fall of a cliff and injure myself... And before God uses His rod to
smite me just for me to listen... To everyone out there, I just want to inform
you that you can NEVER be bad enough for God to save... but don't sin
deliberately...

P.P.S
All I want now is for God to forgive the fact that I broke my
promise...
And hopefully HE would
still grant me my
wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x_X


when I said "MAN" there... I meant human...Ü no misconceptions please...hehe tnx^_^