Lift Up?

Okay, so ever had this feeling of just wanting something too much that it already hurts?
Yeah, it sounds like something out of a cheesy movie or something... But its just so hard to actually know how it feels...

So maybe it isn't pain, but gets?

There's this "bothered" feeling that you just can't shake off...

Its TOO DAMN ANNOYING!

Its already been a long time since things transpired between us, things didn't end well, but they weren't that bad... or were they?

Its complicated, and it really is... I never actually thought I'd get the concept of what "complicated" is, until I realized that I WAS in a complicated (oh, I mean... I AM in) situation...

Things are actually quite civil, but then something just yells inside me that just won't stop!

"I DON'T WANT IT!"

Technically, I'm not supposed to feel any kind of loss...

But SH*T!!!

I feel like I have lost a hell of a LOT!

I guess this is the point where hopelessness jumps into the picture huh?!

A state where I know that I can't do anything...

Actually, I have also been thinking...

Are things really messed up? Or am I just making them be?

Is it a matter of perception?

I mean, relatively speaking, something is only as messed up as how one sees it to be...

Or am I just trying to be smart?

Something just keeps nagging me that its all ME... I'm just making problems for myself...

I DON'T KNOW!

I so DAMNED DON'T!



ARGH!


Okay, so I am no longer making any sense... I just have to write about it...

I mean, I don't know, I just don't...

I hate the feeling that I don't know what to do anymore...


Maybe this is why I am a Christian...

GOD has always been a form of escape for me, I'm an escapist, I admit that.

Maybe it's because of people like me who cling onto my faith as something to get me through, as a form of comfort, as a form of escape... that people perceive Christianity to be a form of "pleasure faith." A form of letting go, to just hold someone else accountable for the sh*t that keeps happening. Probably people don't like religion in general because they see it as a form of stupidity... Where one chooses to just leave things to someone greater... An excuse to justify them just letting stuff go and leaving things be... Basically a cowardly and lazy excuse...

I don't know...

But whatever it is, I am not letting go of my faith...

Its in times like these that I cling HARD onto His cross....

Back to the topic... Maybe I am to do just what my friend did...

Lift things up to Him...

After all, I am HIS...