Just a prayer...

Hey Lord,

Hi, it's me again. Guess you've seen how my day went eh? What do you think?

Oh wait, don't answer that. I know how you see my day. I've fallen again. Like the countless times in the past, I am back on my knees.

Father, it feels so routine-like to me now. I stumble. I fail. I destroy myself. I wreck our relationship. Then? In the rubble I kneel down and call out to you. Aren't you tired of that? I mean, if you'd just let go of me and give up on me... I believe I'd completely understand. I feel so unfaithful. So dirty. Nothing seems to have changed.

I feel like ... hmmm... this mad man off the street. I bathe in the mud, and take in all the dirt that I can. Then you come along, like this social worker. You wash me clean, give me a bath, fix me up. And... TA-DA I'm this cool looking guy. All clean and washed up. But you know? Nothing seems to have changed inside -- I'm still a mad man who won't be able to stay clean.

Lord, I'm tired of this. Aren't you? I'm tired of myself. It's an endless cycle.

I don't want to say sorry anymore, I feel like I'm lying yet again. But Lord, you've put this desire in me to keep seeking You. And I can't ignore that. Help?

I'm torn up within me. I feel wretched, yet I can feel Your love calling out to me. I want to give up, on myself, on everything ... but You just wont let me, now would You? Stubborn love, eh? Your faithfulness is just too great, even for my guilt. But Lord, what do I do?

Please answer me Lord...

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

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Son, let go. Let go of all those thoughts that keep telling you that you're worth nothing. I came all the way from heaven to save you, didn't I? I won't do that if you don't mean anything to me.

Now, we both know YOU know why you keep returning to your old faltering ways. Son, when you let go, you let GO completely. You don't hold on to little pieces of it. What happened to "I surrender?"

And Son, you don't just change overnight. If you did, how would you learn? Remember child, you're growing. Growing kids don't get handed things on a silver platter anymore, they don't get their food blended up for them anymore. They start getting ready for "big kid stuff." It's a process. You know, my child, that I would very much want to help you -- and I am. But you have to let me help you, in the way I know how. Don't try going before me, my son. Your ways will never be as high as mine, My word is your light.

I know, it's been quite some time already. But, son, remember a process takes place over a period of time.

Okay, now I'm not saying you're all good. Remember, you have to make that choice to follow me DAILY. It's a conscious choice. Choose Me.

With Love,

Your Father in Heaven