Usually, I do that when I really want to write, but somehow can't -- so I check how many I've written for the week and if I could get away with not writing, or if I can let it go and hope something comes to me a few days later.
Now that I think about it? I couldn't be any further from His heart.
I decided to write this blog, as I've repeated countless times, to try and foster a sense of community for Saints everywhere whom God decides to reach through this blog. With that, I've always held on to the idea that I will KEEP POSTING AS LONG AS HE KEEPS GIVING SOMETHING TO POST ABOUT.
For about a month that went on AWESOMELY. If you check it out, you can find a day or two when I posted about 2 to 4 blog entries! I was on fire last month. I just started typing away the moment I feel the Spirit stir up something in me to write about -- and since it's the Spirit working? My fingers just kept dancing around on the keys and words kept flowing.
Recently, I'm down to about a post a week. It's depressing and discouraging to say the least. What's more? These weekly posts -- by some silly standard I don't really understand but can certainly feel -- just don't seem to be at par with my older ones.
I feel like such a failure. As a writer. As a blogger. And definitely as a Saint.
That last failure category sure struck a cord -- Failure as a Saint.
And like any prodigal would do? I tried fixing the problem myself. I didn't bother seeking God, I was already bothering Him way too much with my school work -- this is something He has entrusted to me, and I want to do what I can to show I can be responsible in what He's given me.
As Saints I failed with the only responsibility we've been entrusted with -- TO LOVE THE LORD MY GOD.
I was minding the kingdom too much, I forgot ITS KING.
There was no way I'd be able to get back to "my rhythm" in writing JUST BY MY OWN EFFORTS. After all, it's HIS blog -- He won't let me go on writing WITHOUT HIM.
I realized, I'm not just experiencing a common case of "writer's block" -- my HEART was blocked.
Lately, I've been under too much work -- a term nearing its end is like having stabbed a snake and have it coil up around you tighter before it lets go of its life. I've placed too much focus on what I have to do, and forgot what I OUGHT TO DO.
I am a Saint, I'm called to be in constant communion with Him -- nothing more, definitely, nothing LESS.
Why can't I write? Because I don't have anything to write about.
Why don't I have anything to write about? Because I have no source of ideas.
Why don't I have any sources? BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN AS CLOSE AS I SHOULD BE WITH MY GOD -- MY SOURCE OF ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.
Remain in Me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15: 4-5)
Apart from Him (Jesus) we can do nothing. I'd personally go further and say, apart from Him, we are NOTHING.
God in His grace has reminded me of this, sure, I have to go through times of drought too -- but no season in life would ever trump His promise:
MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU. (2 Cor. 12:9a)
TheProdigalSaint's been called to come back; and all this time he thought he's been back -- apparently, he's not "home" enough.