430Php

That is the exact amount I squandered on feeding my delusion, yes, feeding my delusion.

Apparently, its not as though I'm in the dark when it comes to me being deluded and crowded by my own desires (as heavy as the word "desire" is, I have to admit, it's appropriate); I'm not crazy (in the medical sense of the word) so as to not know when I already am rationalizing things which are usually unreasonable for me.

So here it is, one of the tangible evidences of my... hmmm... how do I put it... Obsession? (Something like that I guess...) I bought a CD for 430Php, when I think about it, its not that much for an original album, considering the fact that its not of local origins... But hey, as I have been tattling about awhile ago, I know when something I'm doing is already somehow.. "off." Its not wrong, just off.

For someone always complaining about lacking enough spending money, buying something that's not a necessity is so out of line...

Well, enough about all that... Bottom line actually is the fact that, I'm again obsessed with "something." Obsessed is such a strong word, but I'm lacking the correct term... All I know is that I'm wanting something, and am starting to border between delusional and medically insane.(Hah! I wish!) Maybe that's it, I'm delusional. Hence? Buying that CD was obviously ME spoiling myself, and in a way, pushing myself into something I'm clearly supposed to veer away from.

I can of course justify buying it, and mind you, my reasons for justifying are by no means "forced rationality" (if there is such a term), but again, (argh, why am I SO redundant?!) I know that no matter how justified it may be... it just isn't right on SO many levels.

BUT HEY!

I LOVE BEING DELUSIONAL! =)) And I mean it~ =)

Sadly though, I'm not "completely" delusional... I can still sense reality, I can't close my eyes totally... Soon though, soon.

I guess this is basically an episode of the "prodigal saint" being prodigal and trying to come back again ;p

On the issue of it being wrong... Well, its still something He and I are talking about; or better yet, its still something I'm waiting for Him to clarify~ =)