Reasons

So as expected, my dad left for China this morning. Yup, he's staying there, well working actually, for "bench/". He'll be home every three months, at least that's what 'they' said he'll be able to.

Anyways, this morning we (well actually he drove) drove him to the airport to say farewell, and for some reasons I was sad.

Well, I guess it's quite natural to be so, I mean after being used to living with your dad for like 16 whole years of your life, its quite... new?

Apparently, after considering... I finally was able to come to a conclusion, and finally finalize the list of reasons exactly why I was sort of sad.

1. I was perhaps really surprised, to see my dad leave. I mean yeah, before he did have jobs out of the country, but as far as I can remember it was never more than a week, but I guess its more on now I know that this trip would take longer... perhaps longer than what I can tolerate. Seeing him leave was really something. Sitting in the car and knowing full well the reason why you are there in the first place.

2. I may be thinking too much ahead. I am some what scared of what might become of us. Yeah, I know its not really that big a deal, but for my whole family this is really something new. And I think I can actually say that I am really concerned as to how my mom would react. She obviously is fine, I can tell. She's really strong, ans she has God. But I guess I'm really afraid of me not being able to take care of her the way she would've been taken cared of if my dad was here.

3. Guilt. Something inside me sort of wants to blame myself for the fact that my dad has to leave, and consequently leave us here. Unconsciously I guess I pushed him, and kind of forced him to leave. I mean recently we (me and my sisters) are quite complaining a lot, it has gone on for quite a while now ( I think), and as a father most likely he felt that he was a failure for not being able to meet our wants (yup, wants... the needs? he took care of 'em).

4. Change? As human, even if we confess it or not, we are really vulnerable to change. Well, at least most of us, I for one am. I guess am just sort of really scared as to how our lives might turn out, now that he's far away. We are used to having him around...

5. Lastly?! Is it not obvious?! I'll miss him... =)

It really is a load of when you write is it not... =)
BTW, thanks for taking time out to read...

As for today? Well, as anybody would've done... I consoled with some friends, and boy! What a great help they were!

Thanks Guys!! You know who you are.. =)

And just to get my mind off stuffs? I kind of splurged a little on games =) *thanks Mondie!

about what I feel right? How can I leave "I" out? I guess that's it. I am really really sorry. Apparently this entry of mine breaks one of the most highly regarded rule in writing... The "I (eye) disease" , I really am sorry. But hey, I was writing Lolx...

Well, I guess its about time I end this.
Thanks again guys!
As for me? I believe I will be able to cope...
Some day...
Some time....
Some how...

No! *sobs*

This just in...

So it seems, we are going to be out tonight....

God!

I do hope they spare all these "crying" tonight.

I mean, yes! Of course! I am as sad as them to have to see my dad leave... But... I don't know.

Apparently my mom just told me to abruptly stop using the computer the moment my dad arrives, she said we're going out.

What do I do?

Gluttonous

What a day! The original plan today was for me to go to school, meet up with some friends and go play (literally play), then come home by four.

Well, I did go to school, I was able to meet them, and I was able to play. But after that, slight changes in the plan occurred.

When the clock had stricken four, we had to part ways. I had to go to my mother's "office" and supposedly go home. Apparently though, some "Taiwan Visitors" (yep, I know it's supposedly "Taiwanese Visitors" but hey, it was our school that wrote on the board the word "Taiwan" without the "ese" so who am I to argue?) were present at our school, and they were "roaming" in the school.
My mom said that we still aren't allowed to leave (at least she was) until the "Visitors" had passed her office already. So I had to go to the nearby "Jollibee" for snacks... and this is where it all began!

Would you believe?!
* I was originally going to elaborate on what I ate... But I'd rather not =)

It was surprisingly A LOT though. =)
I guess now I don't have anymore right to ask and wonder why I am like I am (I guess it's obvious which part of me I'm referring to =p)

How gluttonous! =)

Okay, so I guess this is one of those posts that aren't really substantial right? Well, I think that's probably because I really want to write, and yet something within me is sort of holding back. I originally intended to write about my dad leaving for China tomorrow, but I can't seem to put it to words right now ...
Anyways, tonight (as my aunt would put it), we might not go to sleep, and just wait 'till the morning comes...
I really don't wanna think about it... let alone write about it. Perhaps some other time.

*Sigh...

Why Freeze?

It really hurts doesn't it? To remember past failures, heartaches, and most especially disappointments.

It hurts, the wound burns. But what can I do? I don't have control over God right?


*sigh

I don't think there would be any use... would there? To dwell in pain.

Currently I am helping a friend with her problems, a job description that has long been part of my resume but as planned, it would soon not be. At least not as in-depth as I do now.

When June comes, 'they' shouldn't know me no more. I'd be someone they'd never expect I can be. That means having to learn to hide emotions, especially pain, much much more efficiently.



By then, I have to really be "frozen".

Sleeping

So my birthday passed... *sigh* what an occassion that was. Anyways, as expected from an indolent guy like me, I wasn't able to post on that day, nor on the next day, good thing I have persisten "blogger" friends.
So feel free to check out what happened on my bday from these links below... =)

http://denicesy.blogspot.com/2008/04/happy-birthday-my-lve.html

http://denicesy.blogspot.com/2008/04/ivans-birthday-at-moa.html

http://chioarocks.blogspot.com/2008/04/im-too-tired-to-type-it.html

*phew! What a hassle! For some reasons I can't "copy paste" those links, yup, I had to type them manually. Well, if they didn't work just check out their blogs whose URL's are part of the links on the rightmost column of my blog (namely "Chioa's" and "Chiz's)

I would also like to take this time out to thank the following:
>Gladys Yu
-Giselle Yu
-Marvin Chua
>Darlene Talento
>Darlene Keng
>Marion Go
>Monique Gaw
>Rochelle Cheng
>Jefferson Sia
>Katrina Tee
>Rachelle Fabico
-Bernadee
>Walter Yuloque
>Denice Sy
>Ralph Chioa
>Cindy Ong
>Mae Chan Li
>Audrey Lu
>Kevin Dionisio
>Nielsen Jaranilla

Thanks guys! YOU really made my 16th Birthday memorable!! =)

BTW, these people were those people who really took time out to make my birthday special.

Some of them even stayed up until 12 midnight just to greet me a "Happy Birthday".
(names in Yellow)

Some greeted me exactly on that day
(names in white)

Some even called!!
(names in green)

And of course! Those in "Red" are the ones who really outdid everyone this year! =)
They were the ones who treated me to an "All-expense-paid" day at the mall!
YUP!

All expense paid!

Instead of the usual gathering wherein the birthday celebrator (yup! its celebrator not celebrant!) is the one in-charge of the bills, it was the other way around!!! This time, we went out and they treated me to everything I wanted!!! Movies, games, food, even transportation were all paid by them! Thanks guys!!!

Apparently it looks like I've focused too much on my birthday, and forgot the stuff that I was really supposed to write about, TODAY.

Well, I guess that was so because today wasn't really something, aside from the fact that I slept half the day off. Nothing really special...

Once again I would like to extend my HEARTFELT gratitude to the names stated above! Thanks guys!! Love YOU!!!! =)

Again... =)

Well, again I am here... Obviously boredom got my fingers moving again, clearly though, I don't think I have much to say.

Today was (let's pretend its already tomorrow, but I still used today, okay?) really different. I mean who would've thought "ore-sama" [Japanese; a weird way of addressing oneself, quite conceited-ly] would be fixing blog and friendster layouts? And even comment on people (well yeah, I FINALLY made 'testis'*testimonials for people, sorry though it wasn't for everybody since Friendster is kind of demented right now, or at least at home that is) as well as posting on "CBoxes" of co-bloggers. Obviously boredom really made its way to my system... *sigh*

Currently? I don't really know whether I'm "happy" that my day turned out this way, or the other way around. Again I'm confused.

I guess this is just how a person feels when they turn 16 the next day... =)

AutumnFrost

Its been quite a while since I last posted... (obviously)
Apparently I'm home alone with nothing to do and not feeling quite well.

It's so hard so have dreams and have the realization that they can NEVER be more than what they are, dreams.

'AutumnFrost' is actually a fragment of what I thought as tangible. It's a username I made for an account at "WRETCH" (don't ask me why wretch, the site was in chinese, so most likely it doesn't mean exactly the way it sounds), there I tried to reach the unreachable. And guess what?? It WAS unreachable, I somewhat just made a fool of myself. Good thing it wasn't my real name. But don't get me wrong, I really meant it. I meant whatever it is I posted there, I really want it.
I can only wait... *sigh*

I'm verry sorry.... =) Obviously you didn't understand a thing in the previous paragraph, =) My deepest apologies, I just didn't feel like I can embarass my self twice in a day, thus I kept the details, perhaps someday I'd find the courage to tell the WHOLE story, =) but its obviously not now.

I do hope the people concerened with the 'AutumnFrost' thingie, would find a way to get here and read these, maybe then they'd understand.

Lesson:
Dreams are a great source of strength, a great escape route. And it REALLY would be a courageous deed to pursue them, DON'T STOP! But I have to warn you. It won't be easy, and not all dreams are reachable, it would be painful... BUT! I would really encourage you to take the risk and go after them!!

'broken wings'

Lost in a world of feelings,
confused as to which is his.

Melodies, harmonies, dissonances,
flow through his river of thoughts.

Plain music, no words, no lyrics, no meaning.

Work, that he knows he has to do.

But strength he looked, yet did not find.

Loneliness blocks his senses, leaving his hearing functional.

He stares blankly through the shadows.

Scents, odorless scents fill his nostrils.

His heart beats, slowly, accelerates to a great allegro.

Then drops to a sudden andante.

The cycle continues.

He waits, in naught for his dawn.

A new breeze to set him off.

A gentle gale to carry him.

Despite the hopelessness,
of his 'broken wings'