Reasons

So as expected, my dad left for China this morning. Yup, he's staying there, well working actually, for "bench/". He'll be home every three months, at least that's what 'they' said he'll be able to.

Anyways, this morning we (well actually he drove) drove him to the airport to say farewell, and for some reasons I was sad.

Well, I guess it's quite natural to be so, I mean after being used to living with your dad for like 16 whole years of your life, its quite... new?

Apparently, after considering... I finally was able to come to a conclusion, and finally finalize the list of reasons exactly why I was sort of sad.

1. I was perhaps really surprised, to see my dad leave. I mean yeah, before he did have jobs out of the country, but as far as I can remember it was never more than a week, but I guess its more on now I know that this trip would take longer... perhaps longer than what I can tolerate. Seeing him leave was really something. Sitting in the car and knowing full well the reason why you are there in the first place.

2. I may be thinking too much ahead. I am some what scared of what might become of us. Yeah, I know its not really that big a deal, but for my whole family this is really something new. And I think I can actually say that I am really concerned as to how my mom would react. She obviously is fine, I can tell. She's really strong, ans she has God. But I guess I'm really afraid of me not being able to take care of her the way she would've been taken cared of if my dad was here.

3. Guilt. Something inside me sort of wants to blame myself for the fact that my dad has to leave, and consequently leave us here. Unconsciously I guess I pushed him, and kind of forced him to leave. I mean recently we (me and my sisters) are quite complaining a lot, it has gone on for quite a while now ( I think), and as a father most likely he felt that he was a failure for not being able to meet our wants (yup, wants... the needs? he took care of 'em).

4. Change? As human, even if we confess it or not, we are really vulnerable to change. Well, at least most of us, I for one am. I guess am just sort of really scared as to how our lives might turn out, now that he's far away. We are used to having him around...

5. Lastly?! Is it not obvious?! I'll miss him... =)

It really is a load of when you write is it not... =)
BTW, thanks for taking time out to read...

As for today? Well, as anybody would've done... I consoled with some friends, and boy! What a great help they were!

Thanks Guys!! You know who you are.. =)

And just to get my mind off stuffs? I kind of splurged a little on games =) *thanks Mondie!

about what I feel right? How can I leave "I" out? I guess that's it. I am really really sorry. Apparently this entry of mine breaks one of the most highly regarded rule in writing... The "I (eye) disease" , I really am sorry. But hey, I was writing Lolx...

Well, I guess its about time I end this.
Thanks again guys!
As for me? I believe I will be able to cope...
Some day...
Some time....
Some how...