A lot of times, I'd be struggling with something, and the moment He shows me the way out, I write about it!
But, as I've been repeating countless times: even as saints, we still are human. This prodigal saint has his share of humanity too -- school work. I don't like it, but I have to do it. Deadlines and exams are piling up, and I just don't want to do them.
My weekend starts every Thursday -- yup, I'm one of those college dudes that have long weekends EVERY week. So when the weekend kicks in, I go into vacation-mode. From Thursdays to Sundays, I'll be at church everyday for choir practice, fellowships, etc. I feel like it's summer when Thursdays come by. So when Monday comes along, all my work piles up on me.
For the past few days, I've been very tired. There are things God is changing within me, there are things I do for His church, there's stress with rehearsals for an Easter Cantata, and then there're school work -- I have to deal with all of these. It's not a fun feeling to be burdened down by all these.
I find myself struggling to just focus on Him and that all I do is for Him. Sadly, staying focus isn't my only problem: when you're down and tired, it's when Satan tries his best to fill you with lies.
"Pst. PSSSST! Hey, you! What are you doing? Praying again? You actually think He's going to help you? PLEASE! Wake up! He's a narcissistic God, He'll only care about Himself! Can't you see? He's getting you involved in all these services you do for Him. You're keeping a blog for His glory, you're in the choir three times a week -- you're spending way too much time in church when you're supposed to be studying. When has He even helped you with your studies, huh? Does He care? NO! Wake up! You're not His son, you're His slave! He won't be helping you, look, you have tons of papers due -- good luck with that!"
The devil taunts me to let go of God's unfailing love. He's filling my head with doubt. I struggled. It's hard to think straight when you're emotionally unstable. But by God's grace, I was still able to pray. I sent the devil away, and surrendered in prayer. Nothing has changed, I still have deadlines and exams, I'm still tired; but who cares, I'll just lift it up to Him.
So today, I just finished writing my history midterm. Also, today I handed in my history paper which was a day late. I did the paper on the night of the submission day, finished it at around 4AM the next day. So when I handed in my midterm exam, my professor smiled at me and said: "Your paper was great!" I didn't pay her much attention, I was tired from writing an exam for two hours -- it was at the end of my day, and I had a whole day of classes and I only got to review in between classes, I was just glad to get it over with. She handed me my paper, which she just graded, and first thing I saw was (- 2%) on my title page. I knew that, so I went out of the room and stopped by the stairs to read through her comments.
I was feeling exited, I don't know why. But when I got to the last page this met my eyes: "91" I GOT AN A+! (The original grade was a 93, and it came with "I don't usually give A+!")
I could actually hear God saying to me: "What did I tell you? Just trust in Me!"
He actually saw me through! And NO! He did not just care about His ministry, HE LOVES ME! He's taking care of me, He knows my every need, and He's my FAITHFUL HEAVENLY FATHER who'd ALWAYS SEE ME THROUGH!
I walked to the bus stop giggling and smiling all the way -- I think people might have though I was crazy or something. I don't care! I was walking on sunshine, He just dispelled all my doubts and my cares.
What's even sweeter? He did not need to do that! He was God! I am a servant, He does not need to prove anything to me! But in His love? He did so. He really is the God of love -- LOVE Himself. He is just the SWEETEST! ♥
"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:24)
OH YES HE IS! AND YES HE WILL!
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