Me?? or Them??

I'm at our school's ERC(electronic research center) today...

Well, my friend's doing something for our teacher and I felt bored...^_^

I just finished reading my other friend's blog and felt like writing my own...

Somewhat like mine, hers was also about things which hurt her... Things she can't speak verbally...

She was keeping so much pain within her... Her life's at a very dark point right now... And she feels like she's being punished for doing nothing wrong.... And honestly I don't think she did anything wrong...

Well, honestly... It hurts me a whole lot more...

Aside from the fact that I feel her pain (though she's actually very good at hiding it) it hurts SO much...!!!

The fact that she's in a very critical stage of her life right now AND I'M NOT PART OF IT....

I mean, I'm her bestfriend...or at least I believe I am so... And its hurt to just find out now about what she's going through!! Why?! I do understand that perhaps they(including all my other friends who are somewhat doing the same) don't look at me as that important as I think I am... and there might be stuff wherein they don't think I'm worthy enough to know... or to put it in simpler terms... maybe they have just found another person to take my place...

*sigh*

I understand...OF COURSE I DO.....

but....

It's painful...very painful....

Part of me knows that I should understand them... know that they're free to choose their friends...

but..

there's this part of me that feels that I'm being used?? That's not the term.. but I can't find any
word to describe this "being agrabiyado"... Yup that's the term... but I can't translate it to English...

Now I'm at a lost...

of words...

And i feel like am trapped in nothingness...at this very moment...

My friend(who was doing something for our teacher) just left... And I feel so alone...

Literally...

but moreover...

Figuratively....

What am I supposed to do??

BE an UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING FRIEND?? and sacrifice EVERYTHING??
or keep at least some for myself and make my stand???

Should I utter words like "Hey, it's not ALL about you...how about me??"

Or should I just maintain my silence??

Am so LOST!!!

I don't know what to do right now...

*deep...deep...sigh*

I guess I'll just have to be happy with the amount of importance they give me... Yes, it does sound stupid but that's what I believe should be done... What are friends for?? And how can I expect them to be good friends towards me if I myself am not??

Argh... It's TOO CLICHE, yet that's what I really feel...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It's almost time... My time in this ERC is just about up...

But even if it was not.. I would be stopping here nonetheless... I feel so redundant already...

All I can do now...is to lift EVERYTHING up to GOD... And let HIM take care of it...

^_^


waahhh...hehe I din't notice..oops..I guess I overdid it...this post got too long...didn't it?? Ü sorry for the inconvenience